Understanding the strange adult world

- osiokoye

*Disclaimer* I’m a lost ‘adult’ in the very same situation.

This inevitable passage we have to travel through (technical adulthood is the last stop!) we hope and dream of it all through our youth, the freedom, the confidence, and the emotional stability, or so we thought. We looked up to the adults around us because quite frankly, nothing looked wrong. I am in my second year of adulthood, and I am sure I do not want it. I’m 19 years old, no boyfriend, no high paid job, no degree, and no best friend – I’m a lost adult. As depressing as that sounds, believe it or not, I am saddened only by the fact that I do not have a best friend, and the other facts are self-inflicted, meaning I have made the decision. Let’s look further.

Why don’t I want a boyfriend? Entirely I am aware that I am not emotionally ready to know someone else when I do not know myself. I am young and incredibly confused. I genuinely feel friendship first before a relationship, and as we have established I do not have a strong friendship, therefore how could I cope with a relationship with a guy.

Why no degree? This is again another personal decision where I have chosen an apprenticeship route, being honest with myself I did not think I was prepared to handle the stress of that comes with the university. I’m not unintelligent, but I don’t work hard enough to show it. Therefore I was not prepared to fail and lose thousands I spent on university fees. Fortunately, I am happy as an engineering apprentice and still on the route to the high earning career.

You will probably be thinking I am 19 and I still have many years to come so I shouldn’t worry as much, and I still do. It’s just life! I may not have that movie like a best friend, but I have lovely friends.

Friendship– I’m sure, many of us miss the school days where we’re surrounded by ‘friends,’ people we saw every day and had wonderful youthful conversations. We never realized how our friendships were based solely on the fact that we saw each other daily and had similar lessons. When we get older, the friendship simmers down as we become busier with work and attempting to sort our lives out. Sad for numbers but wonderfully only the true friendships that last but sadly for many, friends stop reaching out, and many are left alone feeling burdensome. Opportunities come and go. The only wise thing I am proud to say about friendship is (because I struggle with this so much) don’t change! Wanting someone to like you and then changing to fit their mood does not lead to happiness, its okay to adapt and improve for someone but always maintain who you indeed are.

Acne– Isn’t it funny how acne magically disappear once you reach adulthood? Honestly, how is this still occurring? All you hear when you are younger is, ‘when you’re older your face will clear up’ I personally don’t suffer from active acne but the myth is just myth, adulthood is not the magical cure for acne.

Career– Why is it so difficult to know what you want to do for the rest of your life? That doesn’t sound too permanent surely. Life is hard, and quite frankly we need work to make things easier, so we don’t want to be stuck in a dead end job that we despise if we can help it. I am an electronic engineering apprentice, do I love it, no, but I like it, and that’s all that matters, I don’t cry every Monday because It’s the beginning of the work week, instead, I cry because it’s too early and I want my bed.

Life doesn’t suddenly become a clear road where all decisions have been made for you, but one thing I am sure of is, as you get older, you most certainly become wiser, perhaps not street nor book smarts, but situations become more comfortable to handle and to fake through it, because quite frankly we all aim to be swans, keeping up a beautiful, gorgeous appearance whilst putting in the hard work underneath hidden away from public eye.

Moral of the story is, calm down! Stress solves nothing. Life is life, and you have to live it so you might as well have fun and not get too bothered about the details.

56 thoughts on “Understanding the strange adult world”

  1. Thank god I’m not the only one with all these pent up feelings! Feeling so stressed this Summer because I’ve no money and no job and need money for college (lol) but sure look we’ll get there! Great post x

    1. Thanks. You’ll be fine. I was just the same last year. And almost this year but just keep on applying. That’s all you can do x

    1. Thank you! Haha, I’m glad it’s not just me. Well soon all be 50 and be wondering what all the fuss was about

  5. Lately I’ve felt the pressure of doing so many different things. I’m going to be 22 in 2 months and am still feeling so lost and confused. That’s okay, everything will fall into place

  6. Great article! Very thoughtful. The moral of this article is something that so many people don’t seem to apply to their lives. Everything that happens in life will happen one way or another regardless of you being happy or stressed out. So why not choose to be positive?

    1. Exactly. Thanks so much. I’m Happy you understood what I was trying to say. Positivity is the only thing we can truly control so we should hold on to it

  7. Unfortunately, it doesn’t get any easier, even at 34. Neither does the Acne… but you do learn more and know how to react when things aren’t going as planned. Life is going to happen whether you are ready for it or not… so just enjoy the ride, right? ☺️

  8. Post-college I felt the same way about my career until I realized wishing for a straight path stressed me out more than just finding the answer. You really captured that feeling ha Great Post 🙂

  10. This is a great insight of what runs through the heads of young adults and millenials. It does get somewhat overwhelming at times but all I could say you are quite advance worrying about adulthood some people start worrying before their 30s. You do have a lot of time and not everyone has got things figured out. You contibue to learn more and discover yourself as the years go by. There is not end point on this as different situations and different circumstances will come your way. Its the way your handle things and assess the situation that would help you discover your strengths and weakness. All I could say is bless your beautiful and youthful soul. I hope you get to figure things out along the way and dont stress much enjoy your youth and prioritize on improving yourself not for others but for yourself alone.

    1. It’s true. Every age has different worries. I know I am young. I just worry too much. But definitely good advice thank you. I really am learning and discovering myself daily.

  11. Great post! I really enjoyed reading this and can relate to all of it!
    I also started off in an apprenticeshipdoing mechanics – not sure why since I wanted to eventually work in corporate 🤷🏼‍♀️ Have you looked into the Open University? You can study from home part time at your own pace and it doesn’t cost anywhere near what actual uni does but you can work at the same time!
    With the friendships and relationships these will form on their own, dont force anything. I only have a few actual friends but not really any i see regularly but my boyfriend has become my best friend ☺️

    1. Thanks for reading. I’ll have a look at that thanks. It’s so true with friendships aswell. You only really need that one person that you are happy and close with.

  12. Lovely blog post from start to finish. I could really relate to the career section, despite being 22, as you never know where you want to settle because personally I liked to explore new areas. I’ve got a learning drive so always like to adapt on skills etc. As for friends you’ll definitely find someone that you click with so don’t rush it ☺️

    1. Thank you. And I totally feel the same way. I love to learn and never want to settle. It’s good to know I’m not alone.

  13. I truly think it’s okay to not know what you want when you’re 19. When I was 19, I knew what I wanted (at the time) and now, I’m 23 and I barely know what I want. We should “worry” and take care of ourselves so we can achieve what we want more successfully later.

    Cheers to you,
    Chana, http://www.weforthree.com

  14. I understand where you’re coming from here, I chose to not go to uni too due the costs of it and the amount of stress i knew it would cause me. Try not too worry to much everything will turn out good in the end x

  15. I totally understand how that feels. We definitely will figure it out. We just need to reach out more and keep giving more opportunities x

  16. I love this post! I’m glad I’m not the only one struggling with a lack of good friendships. A lot of people are so busy nowadays and it’s hard to make plans cos of different schedules, others live quite far away or don’t have the money to go out and spend time together. This is especially the case with friends you’ve been to Uni or school and when you lose contact with them after you’d graduated or finish school you realise your friendship was just because of convenience. That has hurt me the most but that’s life and like you said the real friends come through when they make an effort to stay in touch.

    Johnny | Johnny’s Traventures
    http://www.johnnystraventures.com

    1. This is exactly the point. Once everyone gets busy, we finally know who cares. But we just need to try and reach out more for sure. Different circumstances create different people and sometimes we need to take time off our very busy schedule to get back to normal.

  18. Nice post! And you’re absolutely right. Things might be not happen the way we expect but things will straighten out eventually.

  19. Adulthood is a hoax. I’ve always seen being adult as this liberating phase of my life, a time when people will finally start taking me seriously, but to be quite frank, I really miss not being asked for a serious opinion nowadays.
    Each stage of life has its advantages and setbacks, and I’m sure you know this already, but try not to rush through things and let yourself enjoy every step of the way.

    1. Being young was such a fun interesting time. Adulthood is full of seriousness but there are still some fun. So just enjoy it because we’re only moving forward.

  20. Aww hun I’m in my sixth year of adulthood and I’m only just getting used to it. It’s a tough time. My brother is 36 and still gets acne so… Try not to stress about that one too much, you might not be able to do exactly what you want. But keep trying for those friendships. Friends help you get through all the tough adulty things. You can do it!

  21. Great post. Sounds a lot like my daughter. Keep up the positive attitude. I believe you shouldn’t stress a lot. Easier said than done though. Sometimes we plan and plan and it still doesn’t work out. Life happens. Just be happy and accept that your doing a great job.

  23. Great post. My respect for your insights at the age of 19. I’m 68 years old, and despite everything I’ve done in my life, I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up (shhhh, don’t tell anyone). Life doesn’t stop being overwhelming as you get older; it’s just overwhelming in different ways. However, with time, one does learn a few things that make the journey more enjoyable and interesting. Sounds to me like you’re on a positive path, despite the stress the occasional hurdles you may discover along the way.

    Things get easier as you learn and clarify your own aspirations and expectations, and you seem to be on your way. You’re right about preserving your own identity — you learn to get along with others without living to their expectations instead of your own. Thanks for sharing this.

  25. Totally agree! As kids I always thought that when I grew up everything would fall into place. But that is not always the case!

  27. Adulthood doesn’t happen and a magic switch gets flipped putting everything into place. As you grow and get to know yourself better, everything will become more clear.

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